The following is an excerpt from “DON’T: The Essential Guide to Publicity in New York City (and any other city that matters)”.

The following drinks are trashy. Some more than others, all more than enough. Here are the top 5 mistakes, and the caption broadcast with your order:

White zin: Drink up! I have to catch a train back to the Island in time for American Idol.

Amaretto Sours: To all my sisterrrrrrrrrs! OhmigodIwill never. Forget you guys. Whenwegraduate.

Jack – or anything else – and Coke: See above, minus four years.

7 and 7: Third rate scotch alone doesn’t cut it for me. Only fizzy sugar water brings it up to my level.

Rail drinks WITH JUICE (Yes, even gin and juice and vodka cranberry): Bling-bling, muthaf*cka! Yo, light anotha – N – let’s holla at the DJ. (Subtitle: “I may be a pasty dude with a Yankees cap and clipper burns on the neck, but I’m still down.”)

These drinks betray a tawdry history. They are sweet, they are cloying. They are meant for palates raised on Pringles and Pepsi. They also indicate that, having staggered all the way from the trunk of Dad’s car on prom night to your best friend’s frat porch after commencement, your sense of taste has crumpled in a heap. (A prime example of what not to do.)

Succinctly: forget the junk mixology. Order like a grown up.

The famous maxim, ‘God is in the details’, actually derives from a German saying, which sites the Devil instead. Either way, it’s certainly true of drinks. Seeming trifles, yet loaded with subtext, some cocktails are best avoided.

To begin with, anything sugary, mixed with Coke, Seven - Up, milk, curacao, or grenadine, equipped with an umbrella, served in a parfait glass or, outside of a Manhattan or a Negroni, garnished with a cherry. These rules also apply to martinis, which are ordered in their classic form or not at all.

With their inelegant connotations, cloying details are more to prom night than posh and served to greenhorns rather than the graceful drinker. Forget the swanky mixology. Order like a grown up.

Champagne is appropriate for holidays, celebrations, and women, as an evening cocktail. New York imports excellent wines from every corner of the world and good advice can be gleaned from the shopkeepers devoted to sourcing them. Brush up with a classic like The Wine Bible. In any case, choose well when handed the restaurant wine list or en route to a dinner party.

Quality spirits are generally served neat. Though there is some wiggle room in that, while no one knowledgeable would put ice in a 25 - year - old scotch, you wont offend good taste in ordering a premium vodka on the rocks.

Tip well. Always remove the stir stick or straw. Wine glasses are held by the stem, not the bowl; and all drinks in the left hand, so your right is warm, dry and free to shake hands.

For more information or to purchase “DON’T” visit dontnewyorkcity.com.

CULTURAL LITERACY:

Powerbrokers, influencers, and icons – their occasional populist affectations notwithstanding – are found in greatest number among the cultured elite. If you can’t tell a Viogner from a Cabernet, Don Imus may appreciate your support, but don’t expect even him to tarry in your booth at Sardi’s. More importantly than these people’s attention you will need is their respectful attention. You’ll get that most reliably by speaking their actual language – not just the one with which they amuse their public.

The one fact I’ve hoped most to demonstrate to you throughout this book is that, as a publicist dealing with the cognoscenti of our aesthetic, social and political life, you will find sophistication in matters of comportment, taste and intellect not optional to your work, but essential. More than a few of your editors, producers and writers hold their task on par with that of the serious artists, authors and thinkers of their age; cultural mastery is nothing less than these people’s professional raison d’être.

Knowing this, and simply knowing New York City, you must work to attain a cultural vocabulary. Cultural literacy does not consist in memorizing some hallowed list of names, events, works, and movements. Rather, it is something you can only truly understand by pursuing it as a lifestyle.

New York City is, by far, the best place in the world to study human anthropology. No comparison – people, places, art, theatre, dining, writing, dancing…even parambulating. Culturally speaking, New York City is a consummate garden, quite simply the best place to cultivate the senses in harmony with the mind. It should then be no surprise that this is the city where cultural awareness also counts most. When you first move here it can be daunting to assimilate to any circle, much less a highly cultured one; nonetheless, earning acceptance to the latter will prove forever valuable.

A dear friend of mine, Aaron Alden (owner of the renowned Robot Repair), gave me so much sanctuary when I first moved here. He said, without reservation, that it takes 3 yrs to settle into New York City’s rhythm. And after 10 years, I still feel like there is impressive room to grow in new cultural directions.

ABT’s new prima ballerina, what’s opening at the Met, the Central Park Conservancy’s upcoming season: you may not be ready to assert yourself in these conversations, but take the opportunity to listen. Seriously. Later, investigate. To acquire cultural terminology, concepts, and eventually opinions takes less brilliance than time. As well as a little devotion. Breadth is thin without detail, while depth is tedious without variety. Seek both with ardor.

Edification may not instantly gratify, of course. My older brother use to hammer me with the order to “accept the burden of thought”. Truly, words to live by. To refine your interests and investigate unfamiliar subjects requires persistence over time. So when Weekend At Bernie’s II is singing the Siren’s song, while The Forsythe Saga gathers dust on the nightstand, remind yourself of the opportunities you can create only through continued growth.

I am confident that the standard emotional IQ in New York City is well above any average, anywhere. There’s so much to sample, do, and “play with” that the exigencies of day-to-day life simply demand more. More attention, more energy, more life. So, its no wonder that, with equal relish, New Yorkers tend to demand more respite and relaxation. This may come in the form of frequent Hamptons’ escapes, a home in the country, beach visits, or on a more macabre level – drugs, excessive drinking, whoring, or any other number of “attachments” we may unknowingly get comfortable with. Point being, so many city dwellers find themselves (yours truly, included) feeding needs that we don’t know are there or simply sneak up on us unwittingly.

For those who are here for the first time and doing their best to find a rhythm (or simply exist), its exceedingly important to take stock of this and engage in some personal reflection. There are countless yahoos who come here and burn out – left to return home with their tail between their legs – not for lack of talent, but for lack of emotional IQ.

Listen, by all means imbibe in New York City life – which includes a delicious array of questionable dishes – but pay attention to why, how and where its getting you. From personal experience, it has taken me years to become accustomed to such a fast pace of life, but as a dear friend use to tell me…”Give it at least 3 years to find your way. Then, start to really question what you’re doing.”