People rarely “listen.” It’s that elusive quality to which women are more prone to developing, and to which men generally don’t understand. Period.
Both professionally and personally, the benefits of listening (actually) are inestimable. But just as it takes discipline to think about your life, it also takes discipline to remove the blinders that keep you from missing valuable stuff. Listening is not a passive activity.
When I was a much more junior executive, I was preoccupied with being heard during group meetings. This usually meant cataloging (what I thought were) my important points beforehand and then looking for opportunities to be noticed. What I had hoped to portray and what were ultimately communicated were two entirely different things. First of all, the decision makers at the table saw that I was decidedly not one, while other juniors saw me as ambitious (not the good type).
It wasn’t until years later that a mentor taught me the value of listening. The advice was intended to mitigate some of the nervousness and insecurity I felt when pitching to clients or reporters, but it opened the door to an entirely new world about interpersonal communication. Besides the marked improvement in listening to what journalists were actually looking for, I discovered an overall betterment of my professional pursuits. Taking the time to develop this skill brought me closer to my work, knowing my employees, and putting my practice on a sharper trajectory upwards.
And yes, my wife likes me more as well.
I think we are witnessing the overall decay of professionalism, especially in the listening category. Shedding the egotistical shell which enables better listening is never an easy task, but believe me, the suggestion is worth it’s weight.
What is that old Woody Allen saying, “80% of life is just showing up?” Completely applicable to listening. Sure you can sit there, converse back and forth, but if you’re not closely listening you’re going to miss that 20% which most likely holds key details. In PR it could be talking to a reporter and not hearing their exact request for instance–and then you’re screwed or made a bad, permanent impression. My $.02…
I think men are just as able to listen as women–they just have to train themselves to do so. Using the hunter/gatherer analogy–men are more apt to focus on one thing (they’re hunting), while women can multitask (gather) more easily than men. So men just have to work harder to simultaneously talk, listen, absorb, think about the next question, etc.
Love the blog, keep it up!